Dup, dap,dup

I’m having cold feet as the Big Day approaches. Having hard time to sleep... Is that even common?-I asked myself repeatedly. Marriage is common, everyday people get married. Do they felt the same way I do? Or they don’t, and I’m actually not prepared for this? To that I have no answer.

But I’m trying as much as I can to just follow my mum advice, think only good thoughts as it serves as prayers. I tried very much I can to just ignore the feeling, hoping (with fingers crossed) that it would go away. It doesn’t. And it became even more visible as the day approaches.

I’ve asked him this question, “Are you prepared for this?” To my dismay, his answer was, “Sedia ke tak, dah nak dekat pun…so, kenalah sedia”. Yup, his answer is to my dismay. First, because he answered it by being himself (by not indulging into emotion-did I mention he is a very very indeed very practical person and hates nonsense about feelings?) and secondly because his answer is true (despite the fact I hate it).

By that, he is not exactly answering whether he is ready or not, but I take it by implication that he is ready (cos he said Kena kan?)

Me? Am I ready? Well, the obligation and responsibility as a wife does not really bother me that much (yes, sayang.. I’m able to wake up early to make breakfast for you and iron your clothes) plus he is not the male chauvinist type- (very diplomatic, remember? Or in other words-senang bela!) but it’s the understanding part and putting myself in this lifetime commitment is what I’m worried about. Coming out from the comfortable circle and embarking into something new. I’ve seen too much reality of marriages that develops from love but eventually turned into hatred and worst still, the loss of ability to live together at the end of the day. I just don’t want that to happen. My friend was saying that is perfectly natural and it’s actually good that I’m entering it with a cautious, open mind. I do hope that she is right.

Well, I’m going to stick to my mum’s advise, think of good things as it serves as prayers…Wish me luck!