Dup, dap,dup

I’m having cold feet as the Big Day approaches. Having hard time to sleep... Is that even common?-I asked myself repeatedly. Marriage is common, everyday people get married. Do they felt the same way I do? Or they don’t, and I’m actually not prepared for this? To that I have no answer.

But I’m trying as much as I can to just follow my mum advice, think only good thoughts as it serves as prayers. I tried very much I can to just ignore the feeling, hoping (with fingers crossed) that it would go away. It doesn’t. And it became even more visible as the day approaches.

I’ve asked him this question, “Are you prepared for this?” To my dismay, his answer was, “Sedia ke tak, dah nak dekat pun…so, kenalah sedia”. Yup, his answer is to my dismay. First, because he answered it by being himself (by not indulging into emotion-did I mention he is a very very indeed very practical person and hates nonsense about feelings?) and secondly because his answer is true (despite the fact I hate it).

By that, he is not exactly answering whether he is ready or not, but I take it by implication that he is ready (cos he said Kena kan?)

Me? Am I ready? Well, the obligation and responsibility as a wife does not really bother me that much (yes, sayang.. I’m able to wake up early to make breakfast for you and iron your clothes) plus he is not the male chauvinist type- (very diplomatic, remember? Or in other words-senang bela!) but it’s the understanding part and putting myself in this lifetime commitment is what I’m worried about. Coming out from the comfortable circle and embarking into something new. I’ve seen too much reality of marriages that develops from love but eventually turned into hatred and worst still, the loss of ability to live together at the end of the day. I just don’t want that to happen. My friend was saying that is perfectly natural and it’s actually good that I’m entering it with a cautious, open mind. I do hope that she is right.

Well, I’m going to stick to my mum’s advise, think of good things as it serves as prayers…Wish me luck!

Wuih!

Lagi 6 hari ke tarikh akad nikah kami 3.7.2009. Preparation, preparation and preparation. This is when I thank God so much for giving me a big family. Having 6 bros and a sister helping me (another one is still so small to help) really ease the burden! No need to worry aboout asking assistance from extended family..bukanlah tak nak minta tolong, tapi risau menyusahkan orang. With my bros and sister around, we'll do things at our own pace like yesterday, preparing for the bilik pengantin sampai pukul 3.30 pagi. And this morning kena kerja pulak! Saw my sis and bros still sleeping bila nak gi kerja pagi tadi. Sian, they surely exhausted.

As much that I'll have a family of my own, I pray that I'm still close to my bros and sister as we are today. I considered all those gila2 thing we used to do does made our family unique in our way!

My mum

My marriage is exactly a week away. When I woke up this morning and getting prepared to work, I saw my mum scrubbing on the floor. She is apparently trying very hard to ensure that everything would look perfect on the wedding day; despite the age and the constant numbness that she is suffering from.

It saddened to note that despite the fact that I won’t be around after this, she still tries the best of her abilities to ensure that everything is proper for my wedding day. Even with the fact that after this marriage, I’ll no longer be staying with the family that I’ve been living in for the past 29 years. The family that I grew up with.

Honestly, I am not very close to my mum at initial stage of my growing years. I am more attached to my dad, and was always referred to as ‘anak abah’. Understandably because I was the only daughter in the family for several years until my sister finally arrived (huh, sibuk je! ;))

Teenage years however make me becomes closer to my mum. Partly because I have some issues with my dad but mostly because I guess as you grow older, you tend to feel a lot more comfortable pouring your heart out to person of the same sex.

It is more apparent when I am getting married. My mum is my strength! Though at times, we may clash in thought, but she is my source of positive energy. She’ll keep telling me that everything will be fine, despite whatever may come.

I pray for my mum’s happiness, she had endured a lot. And she deserves it! She’s the best mum in the world!

Thanks Mak!

Love him the way he is

Unless it’s an arranged marriage, of course a person would have things that she/he likes about the other person. Most girls take physical appearance as secondary, but I know guys relatively tend to be attracted to physical appareance. A guy friend of mine in justifying the position jokingly told me, ‘If you see a person at a bar,” he said, “you won’t be approaching her and say “oh, what a nice heart you have.” Come to think of it, it does make sense.hahahaa..

Well, with him-though he is not really drop dead gorgeous guy, (yang, you rather me tell the truth,kan?) but still he is still an apple of my eyes. The thing I like most about him is his eyes. He has a pair of sunken eyes, which usually will make a person looks fierce, but it is soften with his hazel coloured pupil and long lashes. That complements and balances it all. Hahahaa..yup, I’m into detail. But I’m attracted to him not because of that (I apparently noticed that after we both are together), but because of him being so gentleman and his people pleasing attitude. I guess that’s one of the recipes of the success in his career and the secret why this relationship works. Despite his busy schedule, I could see that he try as much as he could to spare some times for me even though that would mean sacrificing his personal needs.

Guess that is what people called chemistry-you choose to accept the person that is compatible to you and at the end of the day, the relationship works!

I finally understood the connotation of ‘prince charming’; he is not necessarily tall, dark and handsome but it’s the chemistry between each other, and perseverance of the love and affection towards one another makes a relationship bonds. It’s those unexplainable and very abstract things. I guess it’s the chemistry between us- we somehow know each other too well especially who’s turn to withdraw from an argument, who’s turn to play ‘the good person’ and ‘the bad person’...(he usually allows me to be the ‘bad person’..hahaha). Of course, no relationship is perfect. We do at times find ourselves in arguments, but Alhamdulillah, it was not prolonged.

Indeed I hope that he wouldn’t change a bit-cause I love him just the way he is.

Destined for each other...

The url I chose for this blog is destinedwedding. This relationship strengthen my believe in the saying ‘Jodoh pertemuan di tangan Tuhan’. After so long, we will finally in a month time, Insyaallah be together. We’ve known each other for almost 10 years. We basically see each other maturing process, fumbles, ups and downs but at the end of the day, the acceptance of each other as whom we both are is the ultimate part. That’s why I would like to refer this blog as destined wedding.

I wrote this to commemorate the anxiety, the passion, the hardship and the in the preparation of the big day for us both. It is considerably a very tiring process, however the thought that the say where I am finally going to be spending my whole lifetime with him somehow recharge my energy level and it's worth it. No marriage is perfect I supposed, but living a life with someone not witnessing it seems incomplete.. Human nature requires us to crave for attention and praises and marriage serves that purpose.

Orang kata masa bertunang adalah masa di mana dugaan paling kuat. That’s really true. Because to prepare for the big day; both sides (and of course the families too!) have to come to a meeting mind. External factors are sometimes the cause of the obstacle or it comes from within. And you are expected to go through it gracefully. Nak buat benda yang baik dah tentulah banyak dugaan dan cabaran yang tiba2 datang. To me, marriage is a big step. That’s why I guess to me, it doesn’t happen to soon.

I pray so much that we’ll go through it successfully. I try my very best to be as positive as him and to throw away all the dreadful thoughts.

Caiyok! Insyallah!